Thailand - Culture Page 2

Bunkhun

My girlfriend had an opportunity to buy a stake in a business venture but didn't have the necessary funds so came running to me. My gut feeling about the business wasn't good but I decided to listen to what she had to say and asked her lots of questions.

The answers I got, in addition to what I already knew, convinced me that it was not a good move. I just couldn't see how the business could be viable. I told her I didn't have the money, which wasn't true, but I didn't want to refuse her so made an excuse.

She went to her grandmother instead who coughed up the money straight away as a loan. The amount in question wasn't a lot by Western standards but a vast amount for her. The eventual outcome was that everything fell through so she just gave the loan money back to her grandmother.

The fact that her grandmother had this money quite surprised me because although Iss never has much money herself she is always expected to hand over Bt500 or Bt1,000 to her grandmother whenever she visits. Why? I asked her one day.

The answer came back, "Bunkhun." This is sometimes referred to as, 'repaying the breast milk.' Her parents divorced when she was a baby and both remarried, raising new families. Iss was unwanted by both parents and her grandmother brought her up. She therefore has a strong bunkhun relationship with her grandmother as do all Thais with their parents and guardians and it is extremely powerful.

Mothers suffer the pain of childbirth and nourish their children when they are completely helpless in the world. They do this out of love and kindness, asking nothing in return. This is the ultimate bunkhun but there are other forms.

There is a bunkhun relationship between teachers and pupils as teachers, through their goodness, guide students through life. It's quite sad actually how some farang 'teachers' behave in Thailand when their role is such an important one.

The recipient in a bunkhun relationship has a deep sense of indebted gratitude that, in the case of parents, can never be fully repaid. Throughout their lives Thais will continue repaying the bunkhun even if the other person has no need for the money. To stop doing so would be a severe case of ingratitude, punishable in all likelihood, by instant Karmic retribution.

Men who have Thai partners will know that she sends money back to her parents often. It is probable that she has money from being in a farang relationship and they don't so it is understandable. On the other hand, her parents may already have money but she will still send money back. This is bunkhun coming into effect.

It is so powerful that girls without a farang sponsored income will even resort to prostitution in order to get money to repay their bunkhun. Sex trafficking in Thailand.

Charity

I am a soft touch when it comes to people down on their luck. But I can't save everyone in Thailand and neither can you. If I tried, I would use up my life savings in no time at all and then I wouldn't be able to help anyone, including myself.

It's a tough one at times. There aren't many Thais I don't like, in fact most of the Thais I know I have a deep affection for. They may be a shy race but they aren't too shy about asking for money. Sometimes the request is for a loan but it will never be repaid. It's quite often not for a large amount either and the situation will always seem quite desperate.

This person who you really like seems to be in desperate trouble and for the price of a theatre ticket you can make a big difference to their life. So, what do you do?

When I first got to Thailand the temptation was just to hand over the money. The trouble is, it never stops. After that person is confident you will give them money they will come back for me. Others will too as word gets around. And then there are the people you don't know - the blind singers and their seeing wives who walk around every restaurant in the evenings begging from diners. The crippled people on the streets with damaged legs, awful skin complaints and one I saw who had an advanced case of elephantiasis.

Some people genuinely have no source of income and are unable to work. Others play the begging game and they are not just Thais. Illegal immigrants from poor neighbouring countries come into Thailand to beg from wealthy tourists.

The reasons I have heard for needing money have always been honourable - paying for children's (or younger sibling's) education, or to keep an elderly relative. The reasons for falling into debt may be genuine and unavoidable but perhaps it was due to irresponsibility? Credit is easy to get in Thailand and many Thais will borrow money and only think about repayments when the first instalment is due.

Giving away money is of course a very personal issue and I wouldn't dare presume to tell anyone what they should do. Personally, I still give a few Baht away to people who I think genuinely can't work. The other thing I do occasionally is to buy food and water for people begging on the street. If I give them money I'm never sure where it is going but if I buy food there is never any doubt.

After hearing so many hard-luck stories I have been kind of desensitised and now I no longer feel an outpouring of pity and the need to rummage around in my pocket every time I hear one. The Thais themselves are quite cynical about beggars. This is a land where nothing comes free and everything has to be worked for. A Thai will have to be very certain that someone is really in need before making a contribution.

Thais are very selective who they give money to and several times I've heard them say, "He's got two arms, two legs and a brain - he can work." Anyone who they consider could work will get nothing but they have no qualms giving money to those in genuine need.

As I said, it's a very personal decision.

Culture Shock

Am I making this stuff up? Are these just the incoherent ramblings of yet another unenlightened farang trying to understand the intricacies of Thai culture? Perhaps they are. Sometimes I start to doubt myself, especially when I attempt to discuss Thai cultural behaviour with Thais and they give me that familiar look which says, "What on earth is strange about that?"

The majority of Thais have never stepped outside of the country. They have nothing to compare their own culture with and naturally they find it perfectly reasonable. However, very occasionally I hear things from the Thais themselves which reassures me I am not (yet) losing my sanity.

I met a dentist, a very intelligent and well-educated lady originally from Bangkok who had first studied in Chiang Mai before going to the States to further her studies and work. She ended up spending eight years in the US and grew quite accustomed to the Western way of life.

When she returned to Thailand a Thai colleague asked her if she had suffered from culture shock. Her answer was quite surprising. She had suffered no culture shock when she went to America but after eight years of living there she suffered culture when she came back to Thailand. She reminded me of another aspect of 'face' in Thailand which she said gave her a real headache.

If you ask someone to do something in Thailand and they are incapable of doing the task or they plain don't want to do it they won't say no. (Refusing is construed as losing face again). They will say yes but then they won't do it. You think they are going to do whatever it was you asked them to do - because they agreed to - but nothing happens.

The lady in question seemed a busy and efficient type of person who liked to get things done. In America she could rely on someone completing a task if they said they would. If they couldn't, or didn't want to do it, they would tell her and she could then ask someone else. This all seems quite logical to most Westerners.

When she returned to Thailand she asked people to do things who agreed but then didn't do anything. No wonder it gave her a headache.

Yes, it is possible to suffer from culture shock in Thailand. My experience is that it doesn't hit you in the face as soon as you arrive but that it is quite subtle and more noticeable the longer you stay in the country. There aren't big differences in behaviour but lots of little ones and over a period of time the little pieces of 'strange' behaviour accumulate to remind you that, yes, Thailand really is different.

Consideration for Others

Mulder describes two realms of existence that exist for Thais. There is the secure, inner world where relationships are very close, and there is the treacherous outside world where everything is dangerous and all unknown people represent a threat.

The consideration shown to you in Thailand depends very much how on you are regarded by other people. With people you know, it can be a little embarrassing at how much attention they pay to you.

On the other hand, with people you don't know it can be completely the opposite. As usual, the worst examples of behaviour exist on Thai roads, and Thai drivers can be extremely inconsiderate.

Many emotions and feelings are expressed by heart (jai) words in Thai. One such expression is greng-jai which basically means showing consideration for others by not imposing upon them. Of course, being considerate to other people is not unique to Thais but in Thailand (as usual) there is a twist.

Some of my students tried to explain it to me by giving a few examples which I will relate here. Imagine you are very thirsty and someone offers you a drink. What would be your response? Mine would be to say, "Yes please, I'm very thirsty," or words to that effect. Not in Thailand.

Even if someone offers you something, it can be the wrong thing to accept - even if you very much want what is being offered - because accepting will then inconvenience the person who made the offer. It's not being greng-jai.

In one of my small Thai language guide books the example given for greng-jai is about smoking in someone else's presence. One person smokes and the other person doesn't say anything about it because of it not being greng-jai. I asked my students about this as I am often afflicted by Thais smoking in restaurants when there are 'No Smoking' signs everywhere and no one seems to care.

My students confirmed what was in the book. They told me that the person smoking was not being greng-jai because they weren't showing any consideration for others, but also that other people wouldn't say anything against their smoking due to greng-jai.

What it seems to boil down to is that considerate behaviour is very much a personal decision. and if an individual chooses not to be considerate to others then no one will say anything. Thailand means 'The Land of the Free' and Thais like having the freedom to do what they want with no one telling them otherwise.

This helps to explain the Thai attitude to laws and regulations, and helps to explain why laws are so poorly enforced. The general sense of freedom in Thailand is quite appealing and attracts a lot of foreigners who themselves don't have much regard for authority.

No one wants to live in a police state or be told what to do all the time but sometimes in Thailand I wish that the authorities, and people in general, would intervene a bit more with socially unacceptable behaviour.

The smoking example was annoying but trivial. More worrying are the thousands of crazed adolescent males racing around on motorbikes creating a serious hazard to pedestrians and other road users while no one does anything to stop them.

Another reason why Thais don't intervene is a fear of retribution. Thais are pretty vindictive, and to avoid problems people try not to make enemies.

This aspect of Thai culture runs very deep and - like some other aspects of the culture - I think it can be a good thing but I also think it can do harm. Partly because of greng-jai and partly because of the reverence towards older people in society (especially teachers), students will not tell a teacher if they have a problem understanding.

As a teacher I have tried my hardest to elicit feedback from Thai students to make sure I am doing the right things to make my teaching effective. To me, the feedback process is important. However, it's just impossible because they won't tell me anything they think might offend me.

It's the same throughout Thai society. The people at the top do whatever they want and the underlings won't speak out. It's not only about greng-jai, it's also to do with the very hierarchical society in which people do not question their 'superiors'.

Another danger is that Thais do not have an efficient mechanism to blow off steam and vent anger because of cultural behaviour. They will tolerate a lot, and not say anything, but with some people the anger simply builds up inside. There is no safety valve.

When the person eventually cracks, the red mist descends and the situation can get completely out of hand. There are a huge number of unlicensed firearms in Thailand and this is a lethal combination.

A few years ago, close to where I live, a rubber tapper was being kept awake at night by the people next door who had frequent parties. He took so much and then went next door with a gun where he shot several people dead.

As a foreigner living in Thailand, don't take things at face value. Think about what might be going on from a Thai culture perspective. Did something you do result in a loss of face; is someone trying to be respectful to you even if they think you are wrong; is someone trying to protect your feelings?

If you ignore these things and take what you see, or are told, at face value it may be that you will get lulled into a false sense of security and will then suffer quite a shock when the true feelings are revealed.

Thais and the Law

What I have realised after living in Thailand for several years is that nothing will ever change because there is no real will for things to change. Thais are perfectly happy with the way things are in Thailand.

However, image is everything in Thai society and Thais are extremely sensitive to criticism. The notion of losing face is big all across Asia and this is particularly so in Thailand.

This represents something of a dilemma. How do you please outsiders and counter criticism, while not changing anything?

Law in Thailand is like politics. It gives the appearance of being the same as in Western countries but things carry on as they have always done ... the Thai way.

Laws exist - just as they do everywhere else - but they are applied discriminately. Many traffic laws are flouted and the police do nothing to enforce them. There are millions of vehicles on Thai roads that are illegal (according to the law) but people continue to use them and the police don't take any action.

However, when the Red Shirts threatened to drive their agricultural vehicles into Bangkok the government threatened to use traffic laws to prevent this. It was convenient then to cite laws but most of the time no one cares.

According to Chuan Leekpai, ex Thai Prime Minister (who I have met and chatted with at his home in Trang): Disrespect for law the root of country's woes

To Comply with the Law or not?

I can't believe I am writing this. Perhaps it should be on my 'Only In Thailand' page? It's not a joke though, I'm trying to make a serious point.

When I came to Thailand I wasn't planning to work. I had an income from abroad, plus savings, and finding a job wasn't part of the plan. However, after a while, job offers started to arrive, especially for teaching English. Ability with the English language is quite important for Thais nowadays and Thais are about the worst English speakers in Southeast Asia.

Most Thais have an ability to read and write, and their knowledge of English grammar is probably better than that of the average Briton, but speaking and listening skills are very weak. I live in a part of Thailand where few farangs want to live and there is a shortage of foreign teachers. I have a pretty sound educational background, many years business experience with the world's foremost IT company and also a formal TEFL teaching qualification. Suddenly I found myself in quite a lot of demand.

Teaching, provided it is in the right environment with good students, can be very rewarding. Not only is it a way of developing relationships with Thai people, it is a way of making a contribution to Thai society.

I decided that I would work but I was aware that I needed the appropriate visa. On previous tourist visas it had been stamped 'Employment Prohibited' and Thai law is completely unambiguous. If a foreigner does any kind of work in Thailand, even charity work, they need a work visa. The law is black-and-white on the matter and completely crystal clear.

When I asked my employer to give me an offer letter in order to get a non-B visa he seemed surprised and told me not to bother. He said I was only working part-time and didn't need one. That's not what the government says, however.

I am a Brit and used to doing things the 'right' way so was insistent about the issue. My employer was happy to help me with supporting documentation but I was aware that the hassle and expense of getting the right paperwork would be mine.

The trips down to Penang, visa and work permit fees were all paid for out of my own pocket. I also paid a solicitor to assist me with the work permit process. In addition to what it has cost me financially it has taken a lot of time and at times been a real headache. The Thais are very bureaucratic and it has taken multiple visits to government offices in most cases to get what I have wanted.

I have given my employer several forms to complete, have written to previous employers for references and involved my family in the UK to send documents I needed from home. It hasn't been a lot of fun.

My girlfriend also wonders why I bothered. According to her, the laws are only for labourers from Laos and Myanmar, not for farangs teaching university students. Yes, in Thailand the laws only apply to certain sectors of society apparently. My employer still insists it is unnecessary for part-time workers. Other Thais have also questioned why I bothered.

I know that many foreigners work in Thailand illegally and nothing ever happens to them. They just get their 30 day stamps which keeps immigration happy, and does not make them subject to overstay fines, and they work without the official paperwork.

Not only are the offenders not punished but it seems that those who want to do things properly are punished. I have been given a really hard time by immigration and all I've wanted to do is to work legally and pay them some money for the privilege of doing so. Some officers have taken it upon themselves to question why I am teaching English and not Thai teachers? That attitude is one of the many reasons why Thais generally have very poor English skills and you will understand what I mean if you have ever heard a Thai English teacher speaking English.

It's a lot easier finding foreign workers to pick on who walk through their doors announcing they have a job than leaving the comfort of their air-conditioned offices to find illegal workers.

So, what should you do? If you get a job for a professional organisation they should take care of everything anyway but if you are in a situation like myself it becomes an option. There is no answer as it is a personal decision.

I can't tell you that the law is a farce and just to ignore it but I also can't tell you that you must do everything officially when so many people consider it a complete waste of time and money.

My personal view is that I don't like to do anything that breaks the law. Even though getting the correct paperwork has cost me time and money, I feel happier about having it. As my employer mentioned also, it might be OK working illegally most of the time but if you upset someone for whatever reason and they inform the authorities then you could be in hot water.

The whole issue of (lack of) law enforcement frustrates me enormously in Thailand. The laws are basically good but they are just ignored or used at someone's discretion. The laws about labour ensure that only educated people with past records of employment are employed, and that can only be a good thing.

The reality in many parts of Thailand is that language schools are desperately short of native speaking teachers and if a paedophile or a drunken incompetent with no teaching ability turns up on the door he will probably be employed if he has white skin and speaks English as his first language.

As a foreigner you are powerless to change the way Thais do things but you can decide what you do about your own situation.

I've just given one example, that of working legally, but it doesn't stop there. If you are a road user you will observe what Thais do and then have to decide whether you do the same or follow the law. Just because everyone else breaks the law doesn't mean it is right. It basically comes down to personal standards and morals.

My theory about why things are like this in Thailand is that there are far more powerful factors involved in keeping society in order than written laws, which are basically a Western concept. The strict social hierarchy does a pretty good job of regulating society. People know their place, they respect and defer to their superiors, and they don't tend to be very rebellious.

The problem for foreigners is they don't have any inherent appreciation of the Thai social structure. If they do, they don't quite know where they fit in and, in any case, many foreigners don't want to fit in. Fitting in requires acknowledging that some Thai people are 'better' than them and foreigners don't defer to others unconditionally like the Thais do.

The society works, there is no doubt about that, and it works pretty well. Because of the culture gap though it is something that can be a problem to foreigners.

The Legal System and Justice

Thai society is structured in a natural order. Royalty is at the top. Politicians, civil servants and military personnel come higher than civilians in the pecking order. Thais are placed above non-Thais, the rich above the poor, white-skinned folks above dark-skinned ones, ethnic Thais above minority groups, central Thais above those from poorer regions (especially Isaan who everyone seems to look down on), etc.

As indicated, this order is totally natural and is not questioned in Thailand. If a fair and just Western style legal system was applied there may be cases in some legal disputes where this natural order could be upset. For instance, in a dispute over property rights between a farang man and a Thai woman the man may actually be found to be the winner of the case, perish the thought.

The law is therefore ambiguous enough to take into consideration such anomalies so that the natural order can be maintained. If it suits though, the letter of the law can be applied. Farangs dropping even the smallest piece of litter in Bangkok will be fined Bt2,000 because that's what the law says.

As far as justice is concerned, we are all walking evidence of justice. Is is not something to be meted out by humble men when there are already karmic forces present to take care of things. The rich man must be rich for good deeds he has done in the past and not because he is corrupt and undertakes dodgy dealings. He will therefore not be questioned.

People who lead hard lives obviously didn't do enough in their past lives. There is a general attitude that people get what they deserve in life. As a foreigner in Thailand you should be aware of where you stand and forget any notions of Western justice.

Thai Culture and Morality

I will talk about two things here, corruption and prostitution, and explain both from a Thai viewpoint. Both of these things are generally not regarded as being very moral in Western society. The Thai view is a little different though.

Corruption first. What Westerners see as corruption is often not even seen as corruption in Thailand. Take for instance the driver who gets stopped for an offence by a traffic cop and pays some 'tea money' in order to escape getting a ticket. To Thais this is just two people helping each other out; an admirable thing to do in Thailand. The driver is helped out by not getting a ticket and the cop is helped out by getting a little extra cash to supplement his meagre salary. Where's the corruption in that?

The government minister who awards a contract to the company that his brother-in-law part owns or has shares in is not being corrupt. He is just helping out someone who is close to him. What's the problem?

I have made not necessarily very flattering remarks about the morality of prostitutes in Thailand and been rebuked by good Thai friends who defend the girls. The Thai attitude is that the girls need to look after their families and this is the only line of business they are able to carry out where they can earn sufficient money to provide that support.

I can actually understand the Thai argument but as a foreigner it is difficult to accept. All they are doing is working around a system that is fundamentally flawed and it is flawed because of Thai culture. The answer is not to continue working around flawed logic but to change the culture. To be a truly developed country and to align government and business practices with the developed world this has to happen.

The biggest problem Thailand has in its development is accepting this and trying to make changes that are already deeply ingrained. I am not convinced that this will ever happen.

OK, that was all rather negative but it's something I feel strongly about because many of my Thai friends are at the lower end of he scale in society and are adversely affected by such corruption. There are many positive sides to the culture and I will also cover those.

The other point to make about corruption is that Thailand isn't unique. Across the border in Malaysia it is worse and countries like the Philippines have suffered from massive corruption over many years. But it is not limited to developing countries. Could there be a more corrupt leadership than what exists in the world's most powerful country right now?

Individualism

In my lifetime, perhaps the ultimate expression of individualism in the West was the punk movement that sprung up in the second half of the 1970's. People who didn't want to conform with society could make a very visual statement by putting paper clips through their noses, wearing dog collars and outrageous clothes and having bright purple, spiky hair.

The ironic thing was that the individuals who wanted to be different from everyone else all started to look the same and then lost the individualism they were seeking.

In all societies there will always be individuals who don't want to conform but the culture of that society plays a big part in determining how most people behave. I have never been to Japan but have seen pictures of Japanese youngsters who dress quite outrageously. I believe that Japanese society is highly regulated and quite repressed. My assumption is that these outrageous displays of individualism are a personal revolt against a strict society.

Thai society is very free and easy going. The Thais do pretty much what they want to do although there are cultural borders that aren't crossed. For this reason there seems to be no great desire to express individualism because there is no need.

I have seen Thai punks but they are rare and they are probably only 'weekend punks'. Free thinking among the Thais is not a big pursuit. Westerners are all very opinionated, especially it seems those living in Thailand, and are not shy about expressing their opinions. The Thais don't as a general rule.

In complete contrast to expressing their individualism by wearing outrageous clothes, many Thais wear uniforms which indicate they are happy to belong to organisations and society rather than wanting to be apart on their own.

Every Thai student has a uniform and wears it with pride. Many Thai shops dress their employees similarly to show collective belonging. It may not be a uniform as such but they will wear the same polo-shirts or the same colour tops.

I have met very few Thais who are loners. Most fear eating, sleeping or just being alone. Western society is going completely the other way with millions of people who now live alone. This is actually very bad for our mental health but Western people do it for a variety of reasons.

I think this is yet something else the Thais have got right but in their quest to become more Westernised they risk becoming unhappy if they try to emulate too much. It is one of the things that makes Thailand such a wonderfully welcoming country for foreigners. A foreigner can just show up in Thailand but needn't be lonely.

After making these comments I was quite surprised to read from another source that Thais have, "an intriguing amount of individualism." I guess that it's really a case of semantics and how you define individualism.

If individualism means individuals setting themselves apart from the crowd in the way they appear, behave and think; I don't see much of that in Thailand. If, on the other hand, individualism means individuals doing whatever the hell they want to do with no regard for law or other people; then, yes, I see quite a few young Thai males who are individuals.

Pity

"Sohng saan," is something I hear a lot in Thailand and the Thais do help people they feel pity for. The normal foreign rationale in understanding Thai behaviour is to relate it to Buddhism. Helping less-fortunate people is a good form of merit-making which should be good for the Karma deposit account.

However, not all Thais are Buddhists and a lot of the ones that are aren't very good Buddhists. I think they do it because they are genuinely kind, caring people who don't like to see other people suffer.

Unfortunately, as with most things that involve good will, there is a certain amount of abuse. A lot of kids I see begging on pedestrian bridges run back to their mothers occasionally who are selling food from a street stall down below. With a working mother they really should be at school and not begging for handouts.

At the temples on big Buddhist holidays lots of beggars turn up hoping for some pity in the form of cash. The Thais are quite wary. At a Buddhist ceremony I attended I was stopped from giving money to a beggar by a Thai friend because the beggar didn't appear genuine.

Many foreigners don't understand what is going on though and hand out money to any pitiful case which is why there are far more beggars in tourist areas than anywhere else.

The girls are also very, very good at eliciting pity. They can turn on the tears at will and give all manner of heart-rending stories about themselves and their families. Sometimes it's genuine but it can be used as a device. It's just something to watch out for.

Non-intervention and karmic justice

Updated: 21st September 2010

I am plagued every day by teenage brats racing their motorbikes around the streets. They go around in packs at breakneck speed without any consideration for pedestrians or other road users. They are a menace to society.

Young Thai boys are no different to young boys from anywhere else ... apart from one thing. Give a teenage boy a motorbike and he will want to race on the streets. In most countries, however, there will be measures to curb this dangerous and obnoxious behaviour.

But not in Thailand.

The local police certainly don't seem interested, and neither does anyone else. The brats just carry on racing and no one takes any action. It makes me mad.

One evening, while walking back from dinner after experiencing the usual shenanigans, I saw a kid who liked like a typical 16 year-old high school street racer writhing around in agony following an accident.

I don't have any sympathy for these kids these days. The Thais have an expression som naam naa which means 'serves you right' and this was my reaction when I saw the kid.

When I got home I mentioned the accident - and my reaction - to my Thai wife. She was quite upset, telling me that I couldn't say such things.

She told me that there are people who say bad things, think bad things and do bad things. However, it is not up to other people to comment or mete out justice because this will ne taken care of by natural karmic forces,.

A well know Thai proverb also reinforces this message, "Tum dee, dai dee; tum chua dai chua." "Do good, get good; do evil get evil."

This saying is basically the same as the English, "What comes around goes around," or "What you sow, so shall you reap," but it goes a lot further in Thailand.

I agree to a certain extent but where do you draw the line? If a person is going around committing horrendous crimes, do you intervene or just wait for the forces of karma to take their course?

The Thais would agree that you must intervene. But what do you do about lesser things? In Britain, an order can be placed against someone who isn't necessarily committing crimes, but who is being anti-social. In Thailand, anti-social behaviour is just ignored.

In the case of the teenage street racers, they aren't just being anti-social but they are breaking laws. But still nobody cares.

Another reason that Thais don't generally intervene is due to fear of revenge. Thais are slighted very easily - being ultra-sensitive to losing face - and this makes them extremely vindictive.

An English friend was telling me how he said something to a young Thai driver while he was out on his pushbike, only to find later that someone had smashed his plant pots at the front of the house.

One of the things I find most frustrating about living in Thailand is the amount of anti-social and illegal behaviour that goes on every day that is simply ignored by everyone, including the police.

Non-confrontation

Many people in the Western world seem to thrive on confrontation and argument; be it the girlfriend, neighbour or work colleague who wants to have a big argument about every small issue, or the groups of males who want to get into fights at football matches or after they have been out drinking in the evening.

Thailand is completely the opposite and it is one of the things that makes the country such a delight to live in (especially coming from Britain). Thais go out of their way to avoid confrontation and this is one way in which the famous Thai smile is used. It's difficult to get aggressive and confrontational with someone if they smile at you.

People everywhere have the same problems and frustrations but how we deal with them is influenced by our culture. Westerners tend to have an over-inflated opinion of self. When things aren't going their way it is someone else's fault and, in a confrontational culture, it is the done thing to confront people.

Thais are taught to be compliant from an early age and are made very aware of where they fit into society. They are not taught that the world revolves around them, but that they are part of a greater society.

Going about their daily lives, they meet obstacles in the form of other people but have a completely different way of handling such situations. Rather than demand a confrontation, the thinking is that it is better they pass smoothly by each other so that each party can continue on their course.

This makes so much sense when you think about it but is completely lost on the British. Getting into a confrontational situation with a Thai will not get you what you want but will have completely the opposite effect. They will just walk away and have nothing to do with you - if you are lucky. If you are unlucky and choose to get into a confrontation with the wrong person it could have serious consequences.

In Thailand you won't see many instances of rage, be it on the road or anywhere else. Generally it is a peaceful and harmonious way of life which is far more preferable to where I come from and one of the primary reasons I have no great desire to return to that cold, wet, miserable little island with a sick society that shows no sign of being cured.