Thailand - Girls Page 6

Meeting decent Thai girls

Last updated: 28th April 2009

Life has made me cynical but through this web site I have been contacted by several men who are decent, honest and reliable. Similarly, I know many decent, honest and trustworthy girls in Thailand. So, what's the problem? Why are there so many problems, and even a few men resorting to hiring private investigators to track Thai girls?

I hope by writing this that I do not come across as arrogant or pretentious because that is definitely not what I want. What I am about to write is based quite a lot on personal experience. I was the classic stupid farang when I visited Thailand on vacation, and also when I first arrived to live in the country.

When I think back to some of the things I did and some of the girls I got involved with it makes me cringe. No lasting damage was done, however, and I think I have learnt from my mistakes. I hope I have anyway.

For what it's worth, here is my advice:

1. Aim to spend a considerable amount of time in Thailand

   I can't understand how anyone thinks it is possible to meet someone they hope to spend the rest of their life with in the space of a few days or a couple of weeks. I have seen the disastrous attempts of men who have tried this by going on a serious of quick dates and it just doesn't work.

   Don't believe what the agencies who make money by organising trips to Thailand for men to meet women tell you. Meeting a dozen Thai ladies in a nice hotel for cocktails and a finger buffet one evening is not the way to do it.

   Aim to spend at least six months in Thailand, or even better, one year. If you are employed, many companies offer sabbaticals. If you don't want to leave your job for that length of time, you must obviously think more about your career than finding a partner.

   Regarding money, it won't cost a fortune to live in Thailand for six months to a year. If you plan on staying for a year you could let out your house to finance the trip.

   There are several reasons for this piece of advice.

   1. Thai girls, like all girls, take a long time to get to know properly.
   2. Girls who play games with tourists rely on those men not being in the country for very long. They are very good at lying for a few weeks but can't keep up the pretence over a long period of time.
   3. Having only a few weeks to find a girl is a measure of desperation. Girls can sense desperation immediately and it is a big turn off. Being in Thailand for a lengthy period will make you very relaxed and the more relaxed you are, the more you will notice that girls are attracted to you.
2. Lead a respectable life

   Wherever you go, someone will be watching you and the Thais love to gossip. Do not take different girls back to your apartment every day, thinking that it goes unnoticed. Your perfect girl may work where you stay, or live nearby, and this type of behaviour will completely alienate you.

   If you carry on like this and then meet a nice girl, don't be surprised if she calls into your apartment one day for a friendly chat with the apartment staff who will tell her everything.

   This isn't the US or Europe where a member of staff will say, "I'm sorry, we don't reveal that kind of information about our guests." There is a kind of unwritten code between the Thais to protect each other. Their loyalty is to other Thais, not to farang customers staying at the apartment building where they work. If you're going to play around, don't do it where you stay.

   Sex tourist behaviour is fine for two-week tourists who no one cares about but if you are in Thailand for a lengthy period of time with the intention of finding a decent girl, you are seriously jeopardising your chances of ever doing that if you mess around all the time.

3. Don't look for girls

   Don't go out on some kind of a mission. Look at Thailand as being a great opportunity to experience a way of life that is completely different to your own. Have fun. You will meet hundreds of great girls without looking. They are absolutely everywhere.

   Regardless of which way I walk out of my apartment, there are girls working in shops both ways who look out for me and flirt with me every day. Just be a nice guy, smile, say hello and let them get to know you in a non-threatening way. The good girls are cautious and wary of men, in general.

   Just do normal activities, enjoy yourself and you will come into contact with hundreds of lovely Thai girls.

4. Avoid sexpat and sex tourist locations

   If you are a decent man who goes to Thailand looking for a decent girl why would you want to base yourself at Patong beach, Pattaya or the Sukhumvit area of Bangkok. Most of the girls in these places are trouble and even though there are decent girls around, they will just categorise you the same as the sexpats and sex tourists and avoid you.

   If you cannot live without farang food or any other farangs to speak with, you can still find areas which have foreigners and foreign food without all the sleaze.

5. Learn to speak some Thai

   This is the best way to prevent yourself being categorised along with all the bad farangs in Thailand.

   It will also enable you to meet a lot of girls that ordinarily you would have difficulty meeting. Bar girls can speak good English because by being able to do so they get customers easily and make more money. Many middle-class, educated girls who can speak reasonable English are unlikely to be interested in farangs unless they are very young and very good looking.

   There are millions of poor girls without much of an education who would make perfect wives and girlfriends but they can't speak English. If you can speak with them in Thai it gives you a huge advantage.

   Understanding the language - even a little - tells you a hell of a lot about a girl. With a little practice, just hearing the type of language she uses and the tone of her voice can tell you a lot about her.

   Understanding what Thais are saying amongst themselves (especially if they think you can't understand) can be quite revealing and many will assume that foreigners can't understand a word.

6. Don't expect sex to happen soon with nice girls

   I'm not joking about the extreme conservatism in Thailand among decent girls. Foreign men who don't believe this have obviously never encountered a decent Thai girl.

   I know lots of 30 year-old virgins and they will probably remain intact until they get married. Chaperones are common on dates and a good girl will not even think about going to your room. Partly it is because she is afraid or you and partly because she is afraid of her reputation. Remember what I said earlier about everyone watching everyone and the love of gossip (nintaa) in Thailand.

7. Be honest with her

   Lying just to have your way with a decent Thai girl isn't very honourable, and honesty is required if the relationship is going to work. If you want to be together, you will have to move to Thailand or she will have to move to your country.

   Whatever you decide to do, it is not easy for anyone to move to another country. There are lots of doubts and questions to be answered. If she is a good girl, she will be honest and so should you be.

8. Don't get involved too soon

   Perhaps you went years without a relationship in your own country but after moving to Thailand you find a girl and being in a relationship feels good even though perhaps she isn't quite the right one for you.

   If the right girl turns up later, or if you just fancy a change, don't expect her to leave easily. The girls are wary of men at first but when they let their guard down they form very strong emotional ties.

   You may not consider yourself very rich but the money and treats she gets from you will probably mean a huge amount to her. It is possible that you could break her heart and cut off her supply of money and goodies at the same time and she will fight to prevent that from happening.

   Take your time. There is no need in Thailand to clutch at the first girl who comes along. Wait until you are fairly convinced that you have found the right one before making any firm commitments.

9. Smile

   The Land of Smiles, remember? And remember I also said that many Thai girls are wary and cautious of men. You need to get to know them in a very non-threatening way and one of the best ways to appear non-threatening is to smile a lot.

Emotional games

Last updated: 29th April 2009

On the face of it, the relationship between a Thai girl and farang man should be just about perfect. The most populated areas of Thailand are also the poorest. The majority of girls from these areas have limited education and no hope of finding a good, well-paid job.

Because of Thai culture they are expected to take care of their parents and sometimes their extended families. Many have children at an early age. Thai men higher up the social scale won't look at them, and men from their own background are probably more interested in drinking, smoking, riding motorbikes and messing around with lots of girls.

For many, the only way to earn more money is in the sex industry which is not something to be proud of, neither is it a long term career. When good farang men come along offering them a potential way out of that existence to a better life there shouldn't be any silly games but inevitably there are.

And it's not as if there is a surplus of good farang men in Thailand. When you take away the sex tourists, sexpats, drunks, young farangs doing their gap year in Thailand teaching English or scuba diving - and the men who are already in relationships - it doesn't leave that many.

Despite this, the girls still play emotional games. I'm not exactly sure why they do it but if you get involved with a Thai girl expect a lot of stupid games.

Isaan girls

Last updated: 29th April 2009

The northeast Isaan region accounts for about a third of the total population of Thailand and it is also the poorest region. No matter where you go in Thailand, it won't be long before you meet a Thai from Isaan.

What is interesting is that Thais from other regions speak of the northeast as if it was a separate country, and the northeasterners as if they are foreigners.

I've read a few interesting comments from foreigners about Thais from Isaan so just wanted to put forward a few views of my own. What is important to remember is that you can't make sweeping generalisations about 20 million people.

Isaan girls don't have a great reputation but stereotyping is always unfair, and there will always be exceptions.

The northeasterners, I think, epitomise the best and the worst of Thailand. As I've written about elsewhere, people are shaped by their environment. Many people from Isaan are poor and they do what they can to survive.

Millions of years ago (according to some of my students) the northeast of Thailand was covered by an inland sea. That's no longer the case - obviously - but as a result the soil is poor and this has made life difficult. If that region consisted of fertile valleys with an abundance of crops, I'm sure everything would be very different.

The people are generally honest and hardworking. Ask any construction workers in Thailand where they come from and if the answer is not from one of the poor neighbouring countries (Laos, Burma, Cambodia), you will probably find they come from Isaan. It's the same with Bangkok taxi drivers and many people in Thailand doing menial work.

It's basically exploitation but the Isaan people don't have any chips on their shoulders and just get on with life, working hard for very small salaries. Thailand wouldn't be the country it is without the cheap and industrious labour from Isaan.

So, what if a girl from Isaan is young and pretty but - through no fault of her own - has no opportunities in life? What can she do? She can get a job as a maid or as a construction worker or any number of other low paying menial jobs, or she can go to work in one of the big tourist areas where the work will be easier and the pay better.

This could be straightforward massage job or it could be some form of job where sex is involved. Sitting talking to men in a bar and then earning Bt1,000 (or maybe a lot more) by sleeping with someone is a lot easier than doing back-breaking or menial work, and the financial compensation is a lot higher.

I am often asked by Thais why farang men like Isaan girls so much. The answer is they don't, necessarily, but because of the way they tend to meet Thai girls, the likelihood is that the girls will probably be from Isaan.

The last thing the average farang male wants when he steps off the plane in Bangkok is a lengthy, celibate courtship with a respectable southern or central region girl. He just wants to get intimate as quickly as possible. This sounds bad but wherever he goes to do that there is a higher probability that the girl he meets is from Isaan, rather than from elsewhere in Thailand.

I have actually felt a little embarrassed at times for being surprised after meeting a very respectable girl and finding out she is from Isaan. There is a well recognised Isaan girl stereotype but it doesn't mean that every girl from the region conforms to it.

Also, just because a girl comes from Isaan and works in massage, as a Go-Go dancer, or as a bar girl, it doesn't mean that she won't make a great partner or wife. As I said, many of the girls have no opportunities in life and they may not feel proud of what they do, but they have to support their families whichever they can.

But, at the same time, this also doesn't mean that every Isaan bar girl is a poor victim of the system who, if given the chance, would make a great wife. Some are quite mercenary and not nice people. You have to take every case on an individual basis.

The need for financial support brings out the best and worst of poor Isaan girls. The girls can - and do - make men feel fantastic, but there can also be some deceit.

A wealthy Thai girl (in the same way as a farang girl) will tell a man where to go if she doesn't like him. She doesn't care if he has money or not. However, this won't necessarily be the case with a poor girl who might string a man (or men) along purely for money without having any feelings for them.

I've had lots of fun with Isaan girls but would I get serious with one? As I said above, everyone is different and every case has to be assessed on its own merits. You can't just write off every single girl in a particular region and it is crazy to make sweeping statements such as some of the ones I have read.

At the risk of contradicting myself - and just to keep this honest - I am probably a little more wary about Isaan girls than I might be of girls from elsewhere in Thailand, especially if it is not clear exactly what they do for a living. But the bottom line is that there is nothing inherently bad about girls from the northeast of Thailand.

Conclusion

Last updated: 13th May 2009

Before rushing off to Thailand in search of girls, ask yourself what you want. Be honest with yourself and set realistic expectations. Despite what the country might appear to be on your two week vacation to Pattaya, it isn't a male paradise. Anyone who thinks otherwise just doesn't understand Thailand.

If you simply want encounters with lots of different prostitutes, that's easy provided you have the money to pay them.

If you want to find a partner who's not that good looking, and/or who's not that young, and/or who already has children, and/or who has financial problems, that's also easy. There are lots of Thai women like that who are keen on meeting farang men in the hope that their lives will improve as a result; and who want someone to take over the financial responsibility of looking after their families.

If you want a young, pretty Thai girl - but you aren't so young yourself - there are lots who will be happy to be with you if you hand over enough money each month. They won't care if you live or die but this type of arrangement can suit men who have the money and just want a trophy girlfriend.

If you want a young, pretty Thai girl who will take care and look out for you withount constantly being on your ear for money, you might stand a chance if you are a very good looking 25 year-old male.

If you want an honest, young, pretty girl who isn't constantly on your ear for money and you are over 45, good luck. Girls like this are just as difficult to find in Thailand as they are anywhere else.

The majority of Thai girls, especially young and pretty ones, prefer Asian men. In most cases where Thai girls pursue older foreign men it is purely because of money. Enjoy meeting the wonderful girls of Thailand; listen to their sweet mouths, let them massage your ego (and whatever other bits you want massaged), but don't be under any disillusions.

If you start to believe even one-tenth of what you see and hear in Thailand you will end up with a broken heart, a broken bank account, or maybe both.

Personal Experiences

I have written about some personal experiences with Thai girls I've met. I've not necessarily had a relationship with all of them but with some of them I have. The idea is just to give a few examples of the different backgrounds the girls come from, the difficulties they face and how they survive in life.

As I have said elsewhere, I believe that the main source of problems for farang men with Thai girls is a lack of understanding. By giving a few small insights into the lives of some Thai girls I have met it might help foreign men to understand them better.

I don't want to come across as either smug or arrogant because these are qualities I don't like. As a visitor to, and now an expat in, Thailand I have been through many different stages. On my first few vacations I never met girls other than bar girls and even when I started living in Thailand I got involved with a few completely inappropriate girls.

Of course, I encountered regular girls on those early trips but didn't have much to do with them and also I didn't realise at the time that by messing around with bar girls I had completely isolated myself from meeting any respectable girls.

The only thing that makes me different to casual tourists to Thailand is experience. I have gained a fair amount by living in the country and mixing with people from all walks of life and different social levels.

What seems obvious to me now was not obvious at one point and is maybe not obvious to casual tourists. My intention is not to give the impression that I know more than anyone else but just to try to share a few simple truths.

Not every foreign male visitor to Thailand is a sex tourist. I've received some really touching e-mails from genuinely good men who just haven't had much luck with girls from back home. They come to Thailand with totally genuine intentions and would make fantastic husbands but get mixed up with girls who are not deserving of them, and the men get hurt.

If what I have to say can at least make men think a little about what is going on and save a few from emotional pain (and maybe financial loss), then this has been worthwhile.